War of the Worlds: Dementia
by DinoGirl15
Summary: ON HOLD: Ok, this has nothing to do with WotW, it's just the perfect title. Burton fans everywhere! This story contains all of Tim Burtons memorable characters from Beetlejuice, to Ed Wood!
1. PrologueLoopy Book

"Before I started writing this book, I had so many worlds filled with different characters of all shapes, sizes, colors, species, etc. in these thousands of environments all crammed inside of my head. It gave me a headache just thinking about it all. I literally thought my head was going to explode! So I had to find some way to release these characters from the prison of my mind. I did that, and it took three whole planets just to fit them all. I had my Martians on the red planet, Mars, my talking apes on a replica of Earth, and everyone else on another Earth-like planet called "Dementia". But if you were to look at Dementia from a telescope, the outer layer would be covered in black and white stripes. After a while, things got incredibly hostile between the planets and that's where my story begins…"

This was the prologue to a book Alice had just taken off the science fiction section of her local library. She had been reading in one of the private study booths, where the only light source was a tiny chromed desk lamp, and the one thing standing between her and reality was a soundproof glass door.

Earlier, she had been browsing the science fiction section, looking for the latest alien thriller. She pulled a hair tie out of her cargo pants pocket and attempted to tie her long, thick, chestnut hair in a ponytail. But alas, the small dollar store hair tie couldn't contain her hair, only to be snapped in half. Alice bent down to pick up the remains of the cheap hair tie, only to find a hidden book behind the Star Trek chapter book collection. She pulled the it out from behind the books and stared in awe as she slowly got off her knees, not taking her eyes off the book once.

The book was fairly thick with a hard cover that was decorated with black and white stripes. On the front cover, "War of the World: Dementia by Tim Burton", was written in gold lettering. With one hand, Alice quickly wiped the lenses of her glasses with the end of her maroon t-shirt and placed them back on her face to make sure her vision wasn't foggy. But it was perfectly clear. And now here she was, fiddling with her hair, trying to comprehend what her idol was thinking when he wrote this paragraph.

_Has he finally gone off his rocker? _she thought to herself.

_Or is this what he wants me to think? Was it his intention to make himself sound a bit…loopy?_

_The only way for her to find out was to turn the page to chapter one…_


	2. Chapter 1Part 1Fear and Loathing

Yeah, sorry I didn't do the disclaimer thingy earlier…

Disclaimer: I only own Alice. Everyone else was kidnapped and chained in my basement.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

General Thade sat on his throne in full body armor, the last human hunt still fresh in his mind. A disgruntled chimpanzee war monger and the total control over the Ape City, sat on his majestic stone chair of power, hating. Hating the humans. Even after their total annihilation from the Ape City, he hated them. Him and his entire family line, consisted of one chimpanzee after another that loathed and despised all humankind and only wished for their total elimination.

Thade's father's last words had been, "Damn those humans. Damn them, damn them all to hell!"

And that's exactly what he did. After his father's death, he would send an army of apes, including himself, for a daily human hunt. Their goal was to go out into the jungle, and destroy every human in their path. But as the human population decreased, the ape population decreased as well. The humans would serve as slaves to the apes, fetching them food and water in the jungle. After the humans started disappearing, the apes began going into the jungle themselves, only to be bitten by some unknown poisonous insect, or catch a terrible disease, or be trapped in quicksand, or drown in the river. All resulting in death.

And now, Thade had successfully killed the last three humans on their planet. He remembered the screams, the crunching of bones, the blood splattering all over his horse, causing it to neigh in horror. The sweet, sweet symphony of the extinction of the human race. But now, as he sat on his cold, stone throne, he still hated them. Now there was no hope for his people.

"Sir."

The gorilla soldier made him jump. He quickly collected himself and shot the soldier a nasty look, not realizing it was his closest companion, and fellow troop, Attar. A large, burly silver-back gorilla that could easily snap Thade in half!

"I didn't hear you come in. What is it you want."

"There is something I think you should see."

Attar lead Thade out of his quarters where two massive black horses wearing army helmets and metal saddles stood by his doorway.

"Where are we going," Thade snarled.

"There was a flying aircraft sighting in the Calima ruins-"

"Calima!" Thade's eyes widened. "Another flying aircraft?"

"Yes sir."

It hit Thade like a ton of bricks, but he would be prepared this time. He had taken care of intelligent flying humans before, and he'll kill them on sight if he has too.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dun dun dun! More of chapter 1 to come. I couldn't fit it on one page. Adios, Bubba!


	3. Chapter 1 Part 2Alliance

Hey everyone, sorry for the late post. I want to say sorry also for the short chapters. The rest of the chapters will be much longer, I can promise you that. Thank you, snufflesgal for the review.

Disclaimer: I own none of these characters except for Alice. But they all have separate leashes for when they're allowed outside.

**Reminder: This is starting off _completely _from the beginning of Chapter 1 Part 1**

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Chapter 1 Part 2**

"Did you see any _humans_ exit the craft?" Thade teeth gnashed as he spoke.

"They weren't humans, but the creatures that stepped out of the craft were half a human's normal height, and their _heads_ were _twice_ as big as a human's _or _ape's."

Thade stopped in his tracks in horror as Attar mounted his horse. _What foul creature could this be! _Thade quickly shook the horrible images out of his head, and mounted _his_ horse. Together, the ape soldiers rode off to Calima, the forbidden ancient ruins of their past. As they galloped to their destination, Thade became more curious.

"Was there more than one?"

"A lot more, sir. There were about twenty of them in green armor and a glass dome covering their heads. They all carried strange firearms and were circled around two more, which I assumed were their leaders."

"Really?" Thade looked toward him in amazement. _They're intelligent creatures! _"How so?"

"Well, one of them wore a long, red cape and the other a purple cape. Two of our patrol officers tried to communicate with them, but all they seemed to do was draw a circle in the air with their finger. Then two of _their _soldiers brought a large machine out of the craft."

"What did it look like?" Thade felt like a young ape again, listening to his grand-ape's war survivor stories.

"It looked like a large metal box with all sorts of knobs and switches. They turned one knob and began to speak into the box. Actually, I'm not sure they were necessarily _speaking_. It sounded more like the quacking of a _wild duck_."

Thade gave him a funny look. _These things are sounding more ridiculous by the minute!_

"_Quacking!"_

"Yes, sir."

"What happened next?" Thade quickly put that last detail aside.

""They spoke into the box, and then another voice came _from_ the box."

"Witchcraft," Thade muttered under his breath. "What did it say?"

"It said to the soldiers, 'We wish to meet with your superior. We wish to discuss terms of an alliance.'"

_An alliance, _Thade thought. _Why would these creatures want to make an alliance with us? _But by the time Thade could ask this question to Attar, they were already at their destination. There they sat upon their horses in a vast, dry desert where only fifty feet ahead of them, was a giant, metallic flying saucer that stood on spider-like legs. Underneath it was a circle of Martian soldiers. _Attar was right! _

They were only four feet tall, but had gigantic heads protected by shiny, glass domes. Their brains took up most of their heads, but their faces consisted of two bulging, piercing red eyes, and a lipless mouth. Where their nose should be were only two nasal cavity holes. The Martians stood in a large circle, holding firearms covered in spheres and tubes. Their short arms and legs were ringed with jointed metal tubes and their chests were criss-crossed with flexible hoses that joined the domed helmets to life-support backpacks.

In the center of their circle was two more Martians wearing the same equipment, but topped off with one red, and one purple glittering cape. Attar called to the group of ape troops ahead.

"Make way!"

The troops obeyed and stood in two rows on either side of Attar and Thade's path. Attar motioned Thade to follow him. Together, they rode past the troops and stopped in front of the Martian circle Thade got off his horse and called out to the Martian leaders over the Martian troops' heads.

"I am the ape superior, General Thade. You sent for me about an alliance?"

The Martian with the purple cape was holding the metal box that Attar was speaking of earlier. The Martian with the red cape leaned his mammoth head towards the box and began "quacking". He was doing this for a long period of time, until the purple-caped Martian turned one of the box's knobs, and a voice that spoke Thade's language emerged.

"Greetings. I am the Martian Ambassador. We have flown to your planet and sent for you because we have one thing in common. I know for a fact that the both of us have a deep loathing for _human beings_. After learning the story of your victory over the human race on your planet, we wanted to come _here _and share our plans of destruction with you. You see, we too have once tried to overcome the human race on a far off planet called, Earth. We were defeated and banished back to our home planet, Mars, which is not far from here. After our defeat, we discovered another planet that now stands between Mars and your planet. It is called Dementia, and it is _infested_ with the human scum."

Thade was starting to like them already. "So what exactly are your plans?"

The Ambassador spoke into the box once again, for a minute or two. When he finished, he turned the same knob.

"We wish to capture a list of specific humans for experimentation. Such as world leaders, scientists, athletes, the mentally and physically challenged, and so forth. When we are through, we wish to combine the strength of our army with yours, and destroy whatever's left of the human race. The process of building an underground hideout for your citizens and mine, preparing our troops, building firearms and armor will take at least six months. We have plenty of aircrafts to move your people to the hideout. Are you in?"

Thade thought for a moment. "Where will this underground hideout be?"

The Ambassador smiled and spoke once more into the box. Another turn of the knob and…

"Right underneath the humans' feet. A series of tunnels will be our secret entrances and exits to the outside world, where our invasion will take place. We have planned it out so that we will be easily undetected in our building and planning process. Everything will be recorded and taken down on a record. Even as we speak, our first conversation is being recorded on a secret camera and tape recorder that only _we _know where they are hidden. But don't worry, no secrets will be kept from you, if you agree to our terms."

Thade looked back at Attar and gave him a demented chimp-grin. The smile came off his face as he turned back towards the Martians. He held his right index finger up, and drew a circle in the air. The Martian leaders and their troops immediately copied him in agreement, as did the ape troops.

"We have an agreement." The ape troops jumped up and down, screeching and pounding their chests in celebration. Unbeknownst that a female ape citizen was watching the entire conversation, determined to get her hands on the "secret" video and tape cassette…

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Whooooo! Well, that's the second half of chapter one. I will promise you that the rest of the chapters will be in only one part. Review if you wish, I would very much appreciate it. The next chapter will be more of what happens six months later on Dementia, before the invasion takes place. Adios, Bubba!


	4. Chpt2 Book of the Doomed

Okey dokey, next chapter. I am _so_ sorry I took so long to post this! "Revolves" around _Ed Wood_, Tim Burton's funniest movie in my opinion. Oh, and odd enough, Bela Lugosi's death day is August 16th. This plays some part in the story. The story is timeless. It does not take place in any particular year or century; it's just the day dates that are specified. The development of the chapter is a bit long, and cheesy. But hey, _all _sci-fi stories in the 50's were somewhat cheese.

I can promise you more "action" and "suspense" in the future….

Disclaimer: I own none of these characters, except for Alice (who was introduced in the beginning). Although with some shackles and some elbow grease, I _can _own them….

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_**Six months later…**_

"Last night, a grand party was held at meat tycoon, Donald E. McCoy's meat packing plant, to announce Edward D. Wood Jr., former film director, producer, screenwriter, and actor's, retirement from the business..."

Kathy Wood walked into her living room to find the TV on, and the local news anchor announcing her husband's name to thousands, maybe _millions _of people.

"Ed! Hurry up, you're on TV!"

She fixed her short, blonde hair bob and straightened out her skirt before sitting on the couch facing the television screen. _He may be in only black and white color, but he sure does look handsome on TV. _The anchorman continued with his report.

"Edward Wood is known as the director, writer, and producer of such films as _Bride of the Monster _and _Plan 9 from Outer Space_, and also starring actor in his first feature film _Glen or Glenda. _The Hollywood local has also been known to dress in women's clothing on and off set, on occasion…"

Edward Wood ran into the room and plopped on the couch putting an arm around Kathy's shoulder. His slicked-back hair fell out of place from excitement.

"What did…what did I miss?" He was still out of breath.

"They just started talking about you." Kathy turned up the volume on their T.V.

"He was also close friends with Hollywood legend, Bela Lugosi, star of Universal Pictures' _Dracula _and also star of Wood's own films until _Plan 9 from Outer Space_, in which he died during shooting. Wood's guest list included his pals and movie actors, Paul Marco, Conrad Brooks, and Bunny Breckinridge; former T.V. show host, Vampira, former wrestler, Tor Johnson, and showbiz psychic, Criswell, along with many other friends and his wife Kathy Wood…"

Kathy squealed with excitement. Ed couldn't help but chuckle at his wife's excitement.

"Edward Wood has officially and successfully earned himself the title of _The Worst Director in Hollywood History, _and has earned his most famous movie the title of _Worst Movie of **All Time.**_ And only by retiring has he earned himself the title of a _Hollywood Has-been._ I speak for everyone in our fine state of California when I say that this retirement has been nothing but a financial blessing for Hollywood. And so we say goodbye to our good friend Edward D. Wood Jr., may his career rest in peace."

Kathy quickly picked up the remote and shut off the television. But it had been too late. She bit her lip and moved closer to her husband's side.

"Oh, Ed, it was just one man. Besides, they should _never _be thatharsh on T.V."

Ed's face turned pale. He knew this was going to happen. Nobody's ever appreciated his movies, except for his friends and for Kathy. But he could never tell whether they really liked his movies, or just _pretended _to.

"He wasn't being harsh, he was being truthful. From the minute I offered to take the job as director of _Glen or Glenda_, I didn't stand a chance. I'm just glad Bela wasn't alive to see this.

"If Bela were alive, he would be so _proud_ of you!"

Ed let out a lighthearted chuckle. He has always been the optimistic voice in every bad situation he was involved in. And now here he was, the pessimistic bastard that couldn't care less even if the world were to suddenly explode. As long as it was all over and done with. He smiled down at Kathy, who rested her head on his shoulder.

"Yes, I'm sure the man who cursed Boris Karloff is _swelling with pride _at a man who called it quits after being beaten to a pulp by Hollywood." Ed stood up and scratched his head. He looked away from Kathy, watching the rain pour down against the window glass. "I just don't get it Kat. I did what everyone else did. I brought my ideas to life, only to have them brutally murdered. I'm lucky my movies were actually considered to be _seen_ at some point or another. As far as I'm concerned, Bela would be spitting on me now." Ed leaned his head against the window and saw Kathy walking toward him in the reflection of the glass.

Kathy had _never _seen him so depressed! Even when he got the phone call that Bela died, he still kept his spirits up, behind the grief. Plus, she had never heard him call her "Kat" before.

_The stress must be getting into his head. Kathy wrapped her arms around Ed and rested her head on his back. Her warmth ran up his spine, causing him to jerk his head around in alarm._

"Hey Ed," she cooed. "If it'll make you feel better, my pink sweater came back from the cleaners today."

Ed looked down at her, his smile growing up to his ears.

"Angora?" Kathy nodded sheepishly. Nothing made him feel happier than wearing Kathy's clothing. Even then, he was wearing her undergarments, which, she didn't know about. _Oh well, _he thought. _She'll find out tonight…_

_**The Next Day…**_

"Ed! Come quick, they're playing _Dracula _on TV!"

Today was the one year anniversary of Bela Lugosi's death. Ed wanted to host a party of some sort, but Kathy thought it would be best if Ed had rested a while before going out again. Kathy was sitting on the couch, once again, watching _Dracula _start on the same TV channel, Vampira, a friend of theirs and actress in Ed's movies, used to host. It was their favorite channel. All day, they would play their favorite old horror and sci-fi movies. Ed called them once to ask them to play _Plan 9 from Outer Space, _but they turned him down. Then they turned him down three more times.

It was storming outside again, and everyone was afraid there might be another hurricane. That's how paranoid the people in their neighborhood were. The suburbanites that pack up all of their belongings in bubble wrap and look for a storm shelter when the weather man says there might be a tropical storm.

Ed ran in the living room towards the window, looking up towards where their television rod stood on the roof. Kathy turned up the volume on their television.

"Ed, you're gonna miss the beginning!" Ed waved his hand back at her.

"I'm sorry Kathy, but I saw some lightning strike toward our house earlier. Do you think lightning could strike at low levels?" Kathy turned down the TV volume and raised an eyebrow at Ed.

"_Low levels!" Ed rolled his eyes and turned towards Kathy. God! She knows what I mean!_

"You know, towards the ground or maybe the roof of our house." Ed looked out the window again, trying to see past the sheet of pouring rain. "I should probably go out there and--"

_**CRASH! The crash of lightning boomed through the neighborhood, followed by a blinding flash, causing Ed to fall back while Kathy let out a short screech. **_

"What in the _world!_"Ed stumbled up, wide-eyed with shock, still seeing spots from the flash. He heard Kathy let out an angry moan.

"The TV's out! I keep changing the channel, but all I get is fuzz!" Kathy sat angrily on the couch switching from channel to channel, only to get the same blank screen, with the same static buzzing. Ed rushed over to the couch, sitting down beside Kathy, staring at the blank screen.

"I told you it would hit the rod." Ed walked over to the television screen and crouched down, playing with the different knobs and fiddling with the antennae. He noticed the screen clearing up and stepped back standing right in front of Kathy. She got annoyed and cleared her throat loudly. Ed looked back and sat beside her. _Whoops! _They sat watching the screen clear up. The image faded in and out until it finally stopped, completely clear. Ed and Kathy sat there confused by what they saw.

"This isn't _Dracula!_" Kathy reached for the remote, only to have Ed grab her wrist, not taking his eyes of the screen.

"Hey! Ed! What--"

"Shh! It's talking!" Ed's smile widened at the screen. _This is one wild sci-fi!_

_On the screen was something that looked like a chimpanzee, but it had auburn hair that fell down to its shoulders. It also had eyebrows and red colored lips! And it was wearing clothes too! It was sitting at a desk in a very dark room, but a torch on the wall behind it lit it perfectly. It wore a white jacket with a green sweater underneath and a silk scarf with odd tribal patterns off its shoulders. Its face was rather close to the screen, probably to avoid any attention. Ed and Kathy held their breath as it began to speak._

"Hello," it had the feminine voice of a woman, but spoke in a low whisper. Ed grabbed the remote and turned the volume all the way up. Luckily, Kathy had stuck a tape in the VCR earlier to tape a Swamp Creature marathon. Ed pressed record.

"Do _not_ leave the room and do _not_ turn your viewing machines off. Believe it, or not, your species depends on it," it let out a sigh. "I'm sorry, I've forgotten my manners. My name is Ari. In case you're wondering, _yes _I am a woman, and _yes, _I am an ape."

"Talking apes, eh? This is gonna be good." Kathy quickly hushed Ed. _Keep your commentary to yourself!_

"Now, down to business. I am from a planet only a short distance from yours. And our kind is _dying. _My planet's leaders have formed a companionship with the citizens from the planet _Mars_. They plan on wiping out your _entire_ species _completely. Please believe me!" _They noticed she kept looking over her shoulder to see if anyone was watching from behind. "If you are not convinced, I have a tape that was made six months ago." She reached down below the screen, under the desk and pulled out a video tape. Then she reached above the screen, fiddling with something, making clicking noises and finally looked at the screen again. "This is a meeting between my leader and the Martian leader. This is them planning your total annihilation." The look on her face was solemn, hardly blinking once.

Ed and Kathy were completely captivated! Their eyes never left the screen and they never moved once! They held their breath for a long period of time, before quietly and slowly exhaling and inhaling again, only to hold it for even longer. The screen went blue, for only a second, and then changed, showing a tall ape in war armor standing in front of a circle of tiny, repulsive creatures, with two more tiny, repulsive creatures standing in the center. Kathy gasped at the sight and grasped Ed's arm tightly. Ed let out a demented giggle, still keeping his eyes on the screen. They were watching the same meeting that took place six months ago. The same meeting that was "secretly" recorded, and sealed the alliance between the Martians and the apes. Five minutes later, the screen went static until Ari showed up once again.

"Ed, do you think this is real?" Kathy stared at the screen with worried eyes, still gripping Ed's arm. Ed only smiled more.

"That's exactly how they _want_ you to feel, Kat."

_Great, he's calling me "Kat" again!_

"The official date of the invasion is August 20th of _this _year. By the time this will get to you, it will be only four days away. So I'm guessing you have already received my package," Kathy's face turned pale. She _had _gotten a package the other day. A rather large one at that. She quickly got up and ran into their bedroom.

"Kathy, where are you going!" Ed turned around, still sitting in his spot. Ari continued…

"Unfortunately, a group of humans will receive a fate worse than death. The Martians plan on capturing a group of what they call 'superior beings' and take them to our underground perimeter, where they will be tested, and eventually, dissected, dead or alive," Kathy came running in with the package clasped in her hands, and dropped it on the couch, in-between Ed and Kathy's sitting spot. She retrieved a steak knife from the kitchen, and tore open the package revealing a large binder. Ed's smile quickly vanished.

"In the package are the records of all of the test subjects scheduled to be taken for experimentation. Each document has all of the experiment's information, including location. Find them, and hide them somewhere safe. Don't look for me, I'll find you." There was a loud clank in the background, causing Ari to jerk herself around in her chair. Ari turned back to the camera. "You have four days," she sped, and then the screen went blank.

Ed and Kathy sat there on the couch, looking like a pair of deer caught in headlights. Ed looked down at the binder. He put on a nervous smile, "Kathy, um….did your sister put you up to this?" Kathy stared at him in shock.

"Because it really was convincing, I got to tell you." Ed laughed nervously and got up to stop recording. He took the tape out of the VCR, waving it around and giggling to himself.

"Ed, are you on something! I did not set that up, and _my _sister certainly didn't! And what about the binder! Do you think I-?"

"Ah yes! The book of the _doomed_!" Ed went to the couch, and snatched the book from the couch and held it in front of him in a very dignified manner. "Let's take a look inside, shall we?"

Ed flipped the book open to the first page, showing the photo of a corpse-like man with scraggly blondish-green hair, dull white skin, and some kind of green stain around the outside of his mouth.

"Oh! Who's this character?"

Kathy began to lose her patience.

"Let's see, Betelgeuse! Hmm, interesting name, _very _original! Height, five foot, ten inches. Death date, unknown. Occupation, _Bio-Exorcist! _Now _this _is creativity!" Kathy scowled at Ed, gritting her teeth.

"_Edward…"_

"Oh wait, there's more!" Ed turned to the end of the binder, but before looking at the photo, he looked at Kathy again and raised his eyebrows. "Why Kathy, you look upset." Kathy only crossed her arms, while she watched Ed giggle at his own annoying arrogance. _Let him find out for himself, _she thought. Ed looked down at the binder and glanced at the photo. It took a second for it to register, before he realized, the man in the photo was him. It had all his dental records, medical records, etc. The smile on his face vanished; the color on his face washed away. Underneath his "superior stats", he saw the words:

Status for Experimentation:

Delusional _optimist_; "Transvestite"rare human species: scheduled for Sector C.

In that instant, Ed stared up at Kathy, his eyes bugging out of their sockets. Ed looked dazedly over at Kathy and turned the book around, showing her the documents. Kathy put her hand over her mouth to keep from screaming as a bolt of lightning crashed outside. Ed put on a weak smile.

"They used the worst picture of me," Ed's eyes rolled back into his head as he fell to the ground unconscious…

_**Two Months Earlier…**_

"You have four days," Ari whispered to the Martian camera. The underground hideout had already been built, and the troops had begun training. Unfortunately, the ape troops and she were the last of their kind. She and another fellow ape physician had been brought down to prepare and carry out the experimentations scheduled in four months. Luckily, neither the apes nor the Martians have discovered she is also a human activist and an ape anarchist. She believed that apes and humans _could_ co-exist peacefully--if given the chance. She also believed that they were capable of their own culture. The scarf around her neck was made by one of her father's human slaves. She had tried many times to tell her friends or her father's associates this, but it usually ended in laughter or the famous "point your finger at the ape traitor" motion.

After moving into the hideout, she set up a secret office, where she had acquired, (or rather _stolen_) many pieces of Martian equipment and their "secret documentary tapes". She had begun planning, stealing maps of the underground lair, and most importantly, the documents and the lists of all the humans scheduled for experimentation. (She didn't exactly have to steal it, because her and her partner was in charge of not losing it. Oh, well, at least she used an old photo book as a decoy). Now, she was planning on sending a warning signal to the human planet, using the Martian's satellites. It would take the signal at least sixty days, more or less, to reach the human's satellites. She kept the lights off in the room, the door under three different locks, and a small silver desk lamp at her desk. She heard a clatter outside the door and quickly said her last words and shut the camera off.

She ran over to her door and looked thru the peep hole. She found one of the smaller ape troops fumbling with his sword, trying to hold it up for at least five seconds. Ari chuckled to herself and turned back to her desk. She quickly darted back to the door, after hearing the troop screech in terror. She looked thru the peep hole to find General Thade raising the troop's sword over his head, ready to bring it down on him. Ari was ready to storm out and jump on his back, until Thade threw the sword to his side, and walked away, pounding his chest and snarling at the young soldier.

_Stupid bully. He wouldn't know leadership if it ran him through with a pike! Ari always hated the way General Thade treated the humans, and she hated him even more for the way he treated his own kind. She waited until the young soldier scurried completely out of sight, before she slowly opened the door, and headed on her way to the hideout's core. She would have to go there and send Dementia the signal from the Martians main satellite. She was given a special pass that could get her anywhere in the hideout, anytime she wanted. _

She slid her pass card into a small slot and waited patiently for the small blinker to turn green.

_The future of the human race is in my hands, and I have to wait five damn minutes for the door to open!_

_**Present…**_

"So Ed, tell us why you dragged us over to your place again." Conrad Brooks sat on the arm of the couch next to his good pal Paul, and Tor Johnson, the biggest brute he ever laid eyes on standing behind him. He and the rest of the group, Bunny, Criswell, and Vampira, watched Ed nervously pace back and forth in front of the television, bumping into the coffee table once or twice as he stroked the pink sweater on his back. Conrad looked over at Vampira and Criswell, who were standing only inches apart. They met eyes with him, looked at each other blankly and just took another sip of their tequilas.

Kathy poked her head out the kitchen door.

"Anybody need a refill?" Vampira walked towards the door, only to be suddenly cut off by Ed, who was sweating profusely.

"Kathy, where's the tape!"

"Look out!" Vampira shoved her way in-between Ed and Kathy into the kitchen.

"Ed what are you worried about? It's already in the machine!" Ed caught Vampira digging into their refrigerator.

"You got any vodka?" Kathy glanced behind her. "In the cupboard!"

_When did we drink vodka? Ed jumped out of his thoughts and searched for another question._

"Erm, did…did you _rewind_ the tape?"

"Ed, it's all ready to go!" Kathy pushed Ed through the door and led them both into the living room. Vampira followed, staggering slightly, clutching the vodka in her bony hand.

"Ed is this another one of your poor attempts at porn? Because if it is, that tape should be _burned _before _anyone_ sees it" Bunny lit his cigarette, looking down at his watch. Everyone was starting to lose patience. Each one of them had received a frantic call from Ed, saying that they needed to see something really important and that their lives depended on it, whatever _that_ meant.

"No Bunny, this is _bigger _than that! This is not a movie, a test shooting or _anything like that! This is real stuff!"_

"Ed just play the tape!" Criswell grew more irritated as the amount of alcohol in his glass shrunk down to nothing. Vampira sensed this and walked, (or at least tried to) over, filling his glass to the rim with vodka. Criswell nodded his head and went bottoms-up. Ed was on his knees in front of the screen, fiddling with the VCR. When he finally got it to work, he leaped up onto the couch, sitting in-between Kathy and Paul.

………………………………...

The screen went blank again and Ed walked over to the screen to shut the VCR off. He looked towards his circle of friends. They were the most nervous looking bunch he'd seen in his life! Around the time Ari began talking about the list of victims, Kathy passed around the book. Bunny found himself listed as a homosexual, Tor as an abnormal "alpha-human", and Vampira as an eternally depressed being. And now they all stood huddled around the couch, wide-eyed and shaking like a pack of rabbits that had just been chased down to their burrow by a rabid fox. Tor clutched the book open to his page in his massive, chubby hands. Criswell's glass shook in his grasp. Vampira swayed back and forth, holding to the empty vodka bottle for dear life. Criswell raised his glass to Vampira, hoping to get a calming refill. Unfortunately, he only got an empty vodka bottle face down in his glass.

With a small hiccup, Vampira found her voice, and spoke up.

"Edward! _Hiccup! _What are you trying to do to us! Scare us to _hiccup _death! You ought to be _hiccup! _Put away for good!"

"No! Guys please, I _wish _I were making this all up, but I'm not! And the reason I called you guys over here was for two reasons."

Bunny stared at him blankly. "Well…"

"Oh, right. Number one: You guys are the only people on this good green planet that still acknowledge my presence. You guys are the only people I know would believe me about this. Number two: This mission takes more than two people.

"Two people?" Tor grumbled.

"Yeah, it was going to be me and Kathy."

"What is it exactly that you plan to do about this?" Criswell may have been drinking, but he was still sober enough to tell something was fishy about the situation.

"Well, we're going to use that book," gesturing to the book still open in Tor's hands. "And find these victims-"

"Yeah. Then what?" Criswell lifted an eyebrow and looked around, seeing everyone nod in agreement. Ed was starting to get nervous. _He's right. What are we going to do then? _

"Well," he was searching frantically for an answer. Then, _zang! _"We're gonna use the map the ape lady gave us and find the tunnel that leads to the underground hideout!"

Silence. He realized that just then he sounded like a child reading his science fiction comic book to his friends. _What am I saying! Do I have any idea what I'm telling these people? I must sound like such an idiot! A fool, a stupid, good for nothing--_

"Sounds like fun!" Vampira piped up. Everyone stared at her confusingly.

"I mean _hiccup! _Come on guys! What have we got to lose? As far as I'm concerned, we're _hiccup! Losers _and we have nothing else better to do!" She staggered over to Tor and yanked the book out of his clutches.

"If we have to go to…_hiccup!" _Vampira sifted through the pages until she stopped at one. "Gotham _hiccup! _City, then we'll go to Gotham City. If we have to go to…_hiccup!" _sifting again. "_Hiccup! _Spectre! Then we'll go just for the heck of it! Even if this does turn out to be some big scam or prank, or whatever, _hiccup!" _She shoved the book at Ed's stomach and turned to her "audience" "So what! At least we would have had _hiccup! _A heck-uva time!"

Nobody moved an inch. Nobody moved to blink or even to breathe. Bunny put out his cigarette on Tor's shoulder, who hardly seemed to notice, and walked over next to Vampira.

"If I may interrupt. Ed, would you happen to have a large car?"…

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Whew! Ok, that took a while. Read and review (if you want, I'm not pushing you because it took so long)

Adios, Bubba!


	5. Chapter 3 Suburbia Part1

Did anyone catch the picture of the Gonzo fist cannon shooting out Hunter Thompson's ashes (as well as various colorful fireworks?) I did, and it looked beautiful….anyhow, next chapter. This one will be a trifle more interesting than the last one, new characters are introduced, so now I give you, chapter three.

And a big thanx to WitchyWanda for her review!

Disclaimer- I own no one…..creative little bugger, aren't I? 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_**That night…**_

The storm only grew stronger that night, making the power in Ed's house go out; leaving everyone to plan in the living room with flashlights and a miner hat. Ed was wearing the miner hat…

"So, where do we go first?" After hours of vomiting, Vampira finally became sober enough to help the cause. Ed had various maps laid out over the coffee table, depicting the different cities they would travel to. Ed glanced over at the test subject book open in Conrad's hands.

"Okay, I figured out since there are more people to retrieve in this place...um…" Ed pointed to a larger map, but could not find the name of the city. "We'll call this place 'anonymous'. We'll go there first."

"Yeah, but Ed, that place is too far away. It might as well be on the other end of the universe." Ed glared across the table at Paul, shining his headlight in Paul's eyes. Paul put a hand up to shield his eyes and spoke again. "And even if we did, how would we be able to take all those people along with us?"

"The ape girl did say that we needed to find a safe haven for these guys until she met up with us," Bunny spoke up. Ed looked over the maps again. Bunny _did _have a point.

_Where are we going to fit all these people?_

"Ed! Look here!" Tor placed a grubby finger on the map closest to Criswell. Criswell shone his flashlight on the map. It was much larger than the "anonymous" map, and depicted a huge building that took up almost half the map. Everyone leaned in, wondering what in the world they were looking at. 'Do you think _this _will work?"

"It's _perfect_! What is that place anyways? Let me see that Conrad," Ed reached over and took the book out of Conrad's hands, flipping frantically through the pages. At that second, the lights in the living room switched on full blast, blinding everyone in the room. Kathy stood just outside the kitchen door, her finger on the switch.

"Ed, what are you doing? And what's my grandfather's old mine hat doing on your head?" Ed and the others switched off their flashlights.

"Oh good, the power's working." Ed removed the miner hat and gave it to Vampira. She awkwardly accepted.

"The power's been working for the past half an hour. I was just in the kitchen." Everyone turned toward Ed, giving him a nasty look. He smiled nervously and ran over to Kathy's side (before anyone could possibly hit him). "What are you guys doing?"

"We're planning out where we should go first and where to hide everyone."

"Oh, I want to see." Kathy tiptoed over to the coffee table with Ed close behind.

"Kathy, wait, this is a very delicate proce_du-whoa_!" In an attempt to stop Kathy, Ed slipped on an empty vodka bottle from earlier. _Thanks a lot Vampira! _He watched from the floor as Kathy skimmed over the maps one by one. She finally picked a rather small map up in front of her face.

"Hey, I know this place. A friend of mine used to live here." Ed walked up behind and looked over her shoulder. It was a map of a small cul-de-sac. _And her point is…_

"This place is only three miles away from our house." Conrad tapped Ed's shoulder.

"You mean we could've just picked _that _place instead of looking at these other maps!"

_Awkward………….._

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_**The Next Day…**_

The group stood lazily in the middle of the road, looking out at the pastel colored neighborhood that stood before them. Unfortunately, their mode of transportation ran out of gas a couple of blocks back. They had been walking since last night and were desperately looking for a place to rest until they would carry out their mission. Tor could swear he heard laughing behind him, but he figured it was probably his mind playing tricks. Then he heard the ringing of a bicycle bell in the distance. He turned around to find everyone running to the side of the road.

"Coming through!" There was the ringing again. He found himself facing a man on a bright red bicycle racing toward him at full speed. In an instant, the bike collided with Tor's massive body structure, not moving him an inch. The bike however, crashed into the former wrestler and fell to the side, sending the man tumbling off the bike. The rest of the group came rushing over both to the man's side, and Tor's as well. Bunny brushed off Tor's shoulders hastily.

"You didn't feel that!"

"Feel what?" Tor was still somewhat oblivious of what had just happened. Paul and Conrad helped the man up on his feet. Tor got a good look at him, and became very confused about whether or not he was actually a _man_. He wore an all grey suit with a small, schoolboy bow tie. Tor also caught a hint of makeup on his cheeks and his lips. _How old is this guy! _He thought. The "man" recollected himself and stood straight and tall.

"I meant to do that." He walked hastily towards his fallen bike. And what a bike it was…an AMF Roadmaster in perfect condition; a finely shined coat of bright fire engine-red paint with customized wings around the back wheel with a white racing stripe running around it. Its silver polished handlebars shone in the sunlight, almost blinding Criswell's eyes, the handlebars' sprouted multicolored streamers lay sprayed out on the gravel. To top it all off, a small lion's-head sound box rested in between the two handlebars. The bike itself was covered in all sorts of knobs, switches, buttons and lights, making it look like a science lab on two wheels.

The "man" lifted the bike up, and started walking down the road, humming an unknown tune. Ed mustered up whatever strength he had left and rushed after him. Finally catching up, Ed leaned on the bike's handlebars for support.

"Wait! We, um--we are terribly sorry. Tor here didn't see you coming and he couldn't get out of the way in time, and…" Ed could see he was rambling from the strange look the man was giving him.

"Um…hello! I'm Edward Wood, and these are my friends." They looked back at the exhausted group that stood behind them. The man stayed silent and examined Ed once more. A smile spread over his made-up face.

"Ooh, I know you! You're the guy that made Plan 9 From Outer Space! Ha ha!" Ed gave the group a light smile. They however, were not impressed. Ed turned back awkwardly to the man.

"That's right! Do you live around here?"

"I sure do sir! Pee Wee Herman's my name, don't wear it out!" Pee Wee firmly grabbed Ed's hand and shook it vigorously. Not letting go of his hand, Pee Wee pointed down the road to a large red house with white shudders and windows, covered in hundreds of big _and _small lawn decorations. Ed stared in wonder at the various cowboys and Indians models, cows, flamingos, a rocket ship, and Christmas decorations that stood behind a small white picket fence. "Are you guys lost?"

Criswell walked over toward Pee Wee, placing a hand on his shoulder and pulling out a small piece of paper with the address of their first "task".

"Young sir, do you know where we can find _this _house?" Pee Wee examined the address carefully. A wave of shock spread across his face.

"The Maitlands' place?"

"The who?" The group closed in on Pee Wee and Criswell, listening intently.

"Well, see that house?" Pee Wee pointed farther down the road, where a dull darkness consumed the other half of the block. A large, dull, white house stood crumbling in its place, the windows and doors boarded shut. "A young couple lived there a couple of years ago. I know because-" Pee Wee leaned in and motioned Criswell to come closer. "I lent them a cup of sugar," he whispered.

"Fascinating. Now-" Pee Wee raised a hand at Criswell, continuing the story.

"The couple went out one day to go shopping. They took a shortcut and drove over a rickety bridge built over Lake Nantucket. Big mistake! The bridge gave in, and they drowned to death! Then a new family moves into the house. Strange things start happening. Strange, weird stuff."

Vampira rolled her eyes. _This is getting ridiculous…_

"The family moved out under mysterious circumstances, and the couple's been haunting that house ever since."

"Oh, well then that's probably not the place. We're looking for a man named Betel-"

"Shh! Never say his name!" Pee Wee shouted at Criswell. Pee Wee gave them all an eerie stare. "I'll explain. Follow me." Pee Wee led the group on down the street, getting closer and closer to the darkness. The group kept close together behind Pee Wee, darting their eyes around the neighborhood. Kathy spoke up.

"Pee Wee, why is it dark here, and not back at your place?"

"They say this neighborhood is cursed," a small groan came from the group. "The further down the road, the spookier it gets. All the way down to the old Price Manor." Pee Wee gestured toward a giant, broken down mansion on top of a hill. The hair on the back of Bunny's neck stood on end. Pee Wee stopped on the stoop of the Maitland house, turning towards the group.

"Before we go inside, I must tell you all. When the family moved in, the Maitlands were having trouble scaring them out. So, they hired a bio-exorcist. He drove them out, but he would not leave the house. He lives in a small model of this neighborhood made by Mr. Maitland. The only way you can bring him out of the model, is by calling his name three times."

"Have you been in the house before?" Kathy asked. Pee Wee kept his eerie glare.

"No." Everyone looked at him in confusion. Criswell climbed up the stoop and stood beside Pee Wee.

"If you've never been in the house, how do you know all this?" Pee Wee straightened up.

"It is my civil duty as a suburbanite to pry into other neighbors' businesses."

"I see. Excuse me." Criswell moved to open the door, but noticed the boards nailed to the wooden door.

"Tor, a little help." Tor climbed up the stoop and gripped one of the boards on both sides. In an instant, he ripped it clean off the door, nails and all. He repeated this four more times, stripping the door clean. When he finished, Criswell moved to the door again, and turned the knob slowly. He pushed the door open and sent a wave of dust across the room. The furniture was covered with white sheets and the occasional spiders and dust bunnies. Criswell poked his head out and turned back.

"Who wants to go in the creepy house first?" Silence overcame the group. Ed took a big gulp and took Kathy's hand. He startled her a little, but she then nodded in approval. Ed and Kathy found their way through the group and up the steps. Ed took the first step inside the house, with Kathy close behind him. The rickety floorboard creaked with every step. They found their way in the middle of the living room, before turning towards the group, still frozen in silence, and motioned them to follow.

"Okay gang, let's split up! Me and-"

"Split up? Are you insane?" Everyone piped up. Ed shouted over their voices.

"Everyone! Please! Splitting up could cover more ground! Shut up!" Silence overcame them once more.

"Pee Wee, you will come with Kathy and me to the basement. Paul, Conrad? You two will take this floor. Check the kitchen, the dining room, everywhere here. Criswell and Bunny go upstairs and check everywhere. Tor and Vampira, check the attic. Any questions?" Everyone slowly stepped inside and spread out, moving to their destinations.

"So, what exactly are we looking for again?" Vampira and Tor moved past Criswell and Bunny over to the attic stairs. Tor let Vampira move past him.

"Well, they say something about little house model. Don't know what we find in there." The door opened with a load creak, scaring away the roaches by Tor's feet. In the middle of the room were two fold-in tables placed next to each other to hold up a scale model of the entire neighborhood, just as Pee Wee said. Vampira ran her fingers over the collapsed roof of the Price Manor, poking the inside of the gaping hole of the roof.

"He said that Betel guy was in here, right?"

Tor found the small graveyard on the other side of the model. He pointed down to a tombstone with a large flashing sign that read "Here Lies Betelgeuse".

"I think he's here." Vampira stepped over to his side and pulled a small strip of paper out of her blouse.

"Ok, that Pee Wee guy said to say his name three times right?" Vampira took a deep breath and read the name on the strip. "Beetlejuice-"

"I don't think that's how you pronounce it." Tor tapped a stubby finger on the strip. Vampira immediately swatted it away.

"Look, we'll try it this way, and then we'll do it _your _way, Ok!" Vampira felt tense about the situation they were in now. "Beetlejuice." Silence.

"Beetlejuice…!"

………………………………...

Meanwhile, Ed, Kathy, and Pee Wee were now searching in the dark, damp basement, crushing either a roach or a spider with every step. The flashlights they had been using were slowly dying out, making them stick closer together. Ed froze up in the middle of the room, feeling a cold wind brush past him.

"Erm, Pee Wee? Does the AC work in this house?"

"Hasn't worked for years. Why?"

Ed gulped loudly, "Oh, nothing. Just curious." He felt the chill run past him once again, this time, blowing past Kathy's hair as well.

"Is there a window open or something? I feel a draft." Kathy accidentally dropped her flashlight while fixing her hair. Her flashlight landed on the wooden floorboards and then flickered off. She only grasped Ed's arm tighter than before.

"_Pee Wee?" A small voice surprised the group, causing them to yelp all at once._

"What was that!" Kathy tugged furiously on Ed's shirt. Ed was enjoying this greatly…

"_Pee Wee!" Pee Wee darted his flashlight to his left, and flashed it at the eyes of a young man and his wife. Kathy screeched in alarm. The husband walked up to Pee Wee, frozen in his stance, and pushed his flashlight down until the light only shone down at the withering wooden floor. _

"Long time, no see." He peered at Kathy and Ed through his glasses. His wife stepped up behind him in her floral pattern dress.

"I'm sorry we couldn't give you your sugar back. Who are your friends?"

All they seemed to do was just stare blankly at the couple. They looked so pleasant and quaint. Just when you think you've moved in with the perfect neighbors, they turn out to be un-dead.

The wife spoke slowly, "I'm Barbara. This is my husband, Adam." The group stood still dumbfounded. Ed was getting impatient.

"I'm Edward Wood. We're looking for-" Ed's brave introduction was cut off by a loud scream coming from upstairs. Pee Wee darted his head around and ran toward the stairs.

"The attic!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Whew! I'm very sorry these entries take so long and I'm also sorry for the slow start. Much more to come, trust me. Yr. reviews are greatly appreciated. Adios, Bubba!

DinoGirl15


End file.
